Which brings me to a memory of someone who told me not long ago that they don't like to blog because they always feel as though when they're writing they have to write eloquently to impress someone to the point where they begin writing nowhere near in they way they speak. And I realized this was so true, and I probably do it too often, but I guess i'm going to say that this is my moment to be as pretentious as I want, so i'm going with it.
But in reality, back to the thought-thing, I was thinking about how sometimes my own thoughts scare me. It's sort of like when you're in denial about something, you have the knowledge deep in your mind of it but you attempt to avoid it in real life. Its like this ugly place in your mind, its one that you can never discover in a person, these thoughts that are kept hidden by a facade or act. Its the most real place one could ever venture to, but its locked by all these doors, requires you to utter secret passwords (lotr reference), hidden keys all in order to enter that place of in someone's mind. And i'm not just talking about reading someone's mind, that's surface level poop. I'm talking about the thoughts that you yourself don't like to think about.
My most recent thought I'll willingly share, deals with reflecting on who as you continue living and growing you choose to keep in your life. I call it, "Timeline of Life", its this: imagine your walking on this time line, as you're walking, the things around you are changing, but more specifically, the people who hold relevance in your life. There's those people that will always continue walking alongside with you, such as you're family, and there's the many that fall behind, and then there's many coming in to join . It's interesting how we we're given the free will to choose who on that timeline we choose to keep as we continue walking. It may not seem so, but we all have the potential to keep who we want and to let go of those that we feel have that given us what we needed from and then are ready to continue forward. As I reflect on my own timeline journey, its frightening and horrible to think about what I'm about to say but whatever I'll say it, since im going to assume that the only people reading this are the people who are never leaving my timeline (and if you don't think your on timeline, you're on it now). But anyway, its horrible that its like you really truly know who's staying on your timeline and who isn't. I feel like as one continues walking along it, one begins to learn what kind of people they want there with them. Not to say that that those who are not walking on your timeline are incompetent of walking alongside, (yeesh i'm not that pretentious), but rather I mean that you begin to find this pattern of people who you enjoy surrounding yourself with.
And actually I just realized, I feel so incredibly proud of myself for the people that I have accumulated on mine, my gosh that sounds so dumb, but I can pridefully say that I've kept the best of the best. My people are on fire, they want to challenge themselves, fight, argue, do something for the greater good, make a difference (so cliche, but cliche for a reason), and yes they are always on point. Its probably good to question what kind of people you choose to keep with you, who should stay, who should go, but again...thats playing with that deep dark place in your thoughts that I was talking about earlier, the place where we never like to think about what we really know. We prefer to avoid that truth that we know.
So I guess what I mean in all this, is that its interesting how we have the free will to choose that kind of thing. Ah I realize I probably went off on multiple tangents, but again...whatever. I'll leave you with this fantastic quote that I will forever obsess over...
[...] the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...' " -Jack Kerouac
Oh and I almost forgot...here's my friend Nathan's blog, its kinda good or whatever...
