Playing with dolls

When I was a kid I used to stare out the window thinking it was such a shame that we had to waste the day sitting class. I'd imagine how nice it'd be to be some place else. Some place with trees, grassy green hills and blue skies. This hasn't changed, I still do it. I always wish to be some place else than wherever I am. I was thinking about this as I sat in class today. Then I started to realize how both the same and different I am from who I was when I was little. We all have relationships with ourselves, we all talk to ourselves, think and contemplate decisions that we tell our bodies to act upon [or not to act upon]. Then all of a sudden I was overcome by this unique kind of sadness when I realized just how much I had forgotten about little Celeste. I started to think how sometimes I would much rather have a relationship with who I was when I when I was a kid then with I who I am now.

I began to remember how much I used to love playing with my dolls, ahah I actually didn't grow out of them for a while, to be honest. Because for me it wasn't play, it was something more...For me it was almost a form of art--it was creating elaborate plots, with complex and dynamic characters, unique settings with climactic endings. It was true imagination that once used to come so easy. It would excite me and I would be anxious to come home, finish all the responsibilites I had (as a kid) and start a new story with my dolls.

Today I look up to the younger me for being that storyteller, for creating something even if it was small and for the imagination that once took me outside the walls of my home and brought me to new places.

I thought about how much of that I lost, and why I have not continued to use my imagination the way I once did and why many of us no longer do. If we once had the ability to be 'makers' and 'doers'  as kids and we're so good at it, then why do we lose it? Should we only get better at it/ continue to do it? (MAYBE I should just speak for myself here). And we shouldn`t stop for the fear of not being successful at it. Like a child, we should be excited to create for the purpose of entertaining ourselves like we used to.

Like my dolls, my goal is to make my written words my dolls and regain the ambition and excitement to create like little Celeste used to. I think it's going to be harder than I think, but if I'm realizing how much I've lost it at this age, imagine how i'll feel if I never did it by the age of idk say 50? I wont be happy.